Dating and Courtship: A Call to Reform

William Collen
Omaha area writer


Have you ever thought about the phrase, "falling in love"? I don't think that it is an accurate description of what happens when two people begin to love each other. The phrase "to fall in love" makes it seem as though the two people just randomly become attracted to each other, and there is nothing they can do about it. "Falling in love" sounds similar to "falling down the stairs" or "falling off a bike". But in reality, people are responsible for their own choices, even when it comes to love - although they can sometimes make very poor choices.

It is notable - and symptomatic - that a chance, irresponsible, and spontaneous attitude toward love is very prevalent in modern society. Today's culture tells us that we should throw caution out the figurative window and ignore our rationality when we are in love - it tells us that love randomly happens, and we should drop everything and run after the object of our desires as soon as we feel those feelings of love (which I would say are actually feelings of selfish pleasure-seeking). I believe that this attitude is responsible for the high rate of divorce among Americans - If you are supposed to run after love as soon as you feel it, why not just go back to the way you were before, and abandon your lover, as soon as you fall out of love? This attitude is also prevalent in the current "dating" idea, which presents love as merely a casual game for selfishly motivated "grown-ups", ignoring the emotional devastation that occurs after a person goes through multiple "breakups".

Fortunately, courting provides an alternative. In courting, any relationship other than marriage for life is not even considered; also, during courtship, a high level of objectivity is maintained, so the prospective couple are able to evaluate each other without getting their emotions in the way. Certainly, emotions play a part in a courtship, but that is not the focus of the relationship - the real purpose of courtship is to find out whether or not the two people are suitable to assist each other's work. If they are, the couple proceeds to engagement, which I would argue is just as binding as a marriage. At that time they give their hearts to each other, unconditionally - a gift which can only be possible if such a commitment is made.

I challenge anyone reading this article to examine their own views on the subject, and evaluate their own relationship. If you are involved in dating, ask yourself: what is your goal? Is it to provide self-centered pleasure, or to find a lasting attachment? If the latter, wouldn't courtship be a better frame in which to form that attachment?


The author welcomes comments, critiques, or questions. He can be reached at: w_collen@hotmail.com